I find people, particularly in large numbers, exhausting. It’s not that I don’t like humans or even love some of them, but as a species a little homo sapiens time goes a long way for me. Like a monk in the desert, I can easily go days without needing to communicate with any person.
I’ve been on this planet long enough to have been told that some people consider my behavior odd or anti-social. Social sentiments I care less and less about as I age. My introvert liberation seems even more radical in a culture that needs to post every life detail on social media. Time that ironically takes away from an actual human interaction.
My natural instinct to live within the sounds of silence have always been in competition with the roars of the crowd. Early in life I was told that I was shy, quiet or a snob, when in reality I’m an introvert. Almost a perfect “I” according to both Myers and Briggs.
My energy, my life’s batteries, are “recharged” differently than extroverts which make-up 65% -75% of the population. Being an introvert means I’m energized by spending time alone versus an extrovert who is energized by spending time with people. Neither is better per say, humanity needing both types of individuals for the world to be productive.
Even though my natural tendency is to be alone, that didn’t stop me from engaging with other humans to accomplish a greater goal outside of myself. As a teenager I led and worked with multitudes of people in church, scouts and school. My professional life repeating this pattern by starting and leading multiple businesses throughout my adult years. In between all this face time, I was still able to find quiet space to recharge my drained battery.
My search for solitude took a dramatic turn when I lost my high paying agency leadership job in my fifties. No longer tethered to Chicago, I cut that string and floated west to Vegas. The vast majority of Vegas that resides far from the Strip’s eponymous neon lights.
My mended employment cord cut again when I was laid off for a second time at fifty-five. Taking advantage of all this “alone” time to wrestle with my life’s meaning and write my memoir. An eternal story of running from God before returning to God. A modern-day Prodigal Son parable.
Financially fine, I’m living an introvert’s dream. Spending my days inside my head, rummaging through my heart and reconnecting with my long-neglected spirit. My attempts at making new human connections have been less fruitful even while spilling personal words into the world.
My desire to make new human connections, throttled by a world that’s mad or at least I now recognize its madness. My government’s latest war, I mean military action, a stark reminder that people of faith live under an evil empire. The USA is not okay, but vengeance is mine says the Lord.
Watching heart breaking images of death and the destruction of innocent civilians and children. Funded by what I render to Cesar. Scenes that turn my stomach and sicken my soul. Cheered on by a parasitic political class that normalizes and rationalizes this evil. An Evil that has wanted to destroy humanity since the days of Eden and whose wickedness runs through every human heart.
My inclination to again run from the world is being tested by this horrific conflict. Wanting to move further inward within myself as opposed to what I believe we’re called to do as followers of the Prince of Peace and move outward into the world. Confronting evil by trusting and leading with love. Love that will bring justice, mercy and peace. God is love.
Making clear in my interactions with other people that this newest war is not right, and we shouldn’t be involved in anyway whatsoever. Treating everyone I meet in my corner of the world with kindness and dignity by acknowledging them with a sunny greeting or a shining smile. Trying to be patient with strangers, even when I drive, which is a real challenge for me.
I know that my actions of faith probably won’t make a difference with what happens across the globe, but I know they will make a difference where I live and that’s what matters. Resisting my egocentric urge to repay evil with evil when somebody wrongs me as opposed to extending them the grace I pray for daily.
Constructing connections with other humans simply because they reflect the image of God. Choosing words and actions motivated by humility instead of dominance. Coming to understand that doing unto others is the heart of Love and why God created all humans.
Peace. God loves you.
If you want to learn more about how my spiritual awakening came to be, you can read about it in Finding God in Vegas: A Gen X Spiritual Awakening; available on Amazon and across all platforms in print or electronic or audio.