Why I Write: A Reminder to Myself

I never intended to spend my “retirement” years reflecting and writing about my faith and modern-day American culture. Instead, I assumed I would spend my second adult life just like my corporate adult years. Denying the reality of God, continuing to make my life only about me, and following the rules of the Empire to get the stuff I want regardless of the cost to myself or others.

I’m still learning that our intentions don’t always align with what God intends for us. Like Moses, Job and Paul learned. Like I’m still learning.

My corporate career in pharmaceutical marketing ending when I was fifty-two; my reanimated corporate career in pharmaceutical marketing ending when I was fifty-six. My life saved at fifty-five, which is why I could no longer continue my corporate career in pharmaceutical marketing.

Spiritually awakened, I wanted; needed, to align my life with God’s purpose that we love one another not just ourselves. A purpose at odds with what I had spent my entire adult life doing and profiting from generously. A leap of faith leading me to leave pharma marketing permanently and enter the world’s oldest profession: storytelling    

Taking pen to paper, I would spend the next 12 months writing and editing and shedding tears composing my memoir. Describing my Gen X Prodigal Son story of accepting God and surrendering my repentant heart to the Lord of Love and the Prince of Peace. Clear that my faith, my life is about honoring our Creator, not human inclinations or worldly institutions.

Like waters breaking forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert, my writing has blossomed. Memoir complete, I spend my mornings penning and publishing new weekly short stories along with a weekday daily devotion. I spend my afternoons submitting my unpublished manuscript to literary agents while listening to crickets.

To date, I haven’t found an agent or publisher for my memoir. An unsurprising reality given my critique of the emptiness of American culture and the hollowness of our ruling class; our cultural gatekeepers. An anticipated certainty when your life’s story is about God’s love as opposed to identity politics, victimization or celebrity gossip. An expected outcome when a literary agent wanted me to make my life’s story ONLY about being gay when my life story is ONLY about being loved and liberated by God.

I’m still learning to live a life of trying to do on earth as it is in heaven. A life that’s not about seeking the momentary fame and fortune of this realm. A life of trusting in God alone as I spend down my retirement savings and pass on potential employment opportunities in pharma marketing. A life seeking validation and vindication for choosing the Word over worldly bread.

Then it happens. A reminder, a remembrance, a recollection that God loves me so much that He gave his only begotten Son for my shortfall, my selfishness, my sins. Then it happens.

I recall my true purpose. To seek first the kingdom of God, to take the small gate and the narrow road, to store up my treasures in heaven. A life that honors God alone, not my own ambitions or the worlds approval.

Remembering that the opening page of my memoir has only three words on the sheet; Soli Deo Gloria. Latin for Glory to God alone. Repentant for wanting the world’s approval and admiration when I’ve already received the  greatest gift of all, everlasting Love and eternal life. My humbled heart certain that there is nothing in this world that I need except for God.

Everything will pass away at God’s command. The words we write, the poems we pen and the music we make will become lost in time, but found in God. But only when whatever we create is solely about honoring God.

This story is a reminder to myself, and maybe for you, that our purpose in this world isn’t about fame or fortune. Bestselling books or trending topics or who’s who. BTW, it’s also not about being beholden or controlled by any human or earthly government.

All glory and honor to God. The Giver of all Life and the Home of all Love. All glory and honor to God alone.

Peace. God loves you.