As summer signals its send-off and autumn announces its arrival, the earthly equipment we employ to measure time will mark the conclusion of my sixtieth year in this here and now. A birthday milestone I could never even imagine thirty years ago. A birthday marker that too many of my friends never realized; their lives here ended far too soon.
Beautiful flowers gathered by God just as they began to bountifully blossom and bloom. Young lives who never experienced their twenties or thirties; forties or fifties. Cut down by untimely accidents, devasting diseases and a dark despair they were unable to overcome. My heart grieved when they left this world, and my heart still grieves for them while I remain in this world.
I think about them still. Names and faces animated within my wounded heart. Chris and Eddie; CJ and Juvy; Melissa and Kevin. Contemporaries who were never given the opportunity to celebrate their sixtieth birthday.
I recognize that the vast majority of humanity rarely lived into their sixties. I realize there are innocent children across the globe whose lives are ended prematurely every day. I remind myself daily that whatever time God continues to give me here is a gift. A gift I could not appreciate when I believed my spring would remain eternal.
I don’t know why my friends or why any person is called home when we are, but I do know that that day will come for each of us; you and me. A day I no longer fear because in love there is no fear. God is love.
I’ve lived long enough to have experienced and comprehend that my minutes of mourning will only increase with each passing year. But there remains a distinctive sadness that sorrowfully sings to my heart when I remember my dearly departed friends who left unexpectedly. Shiny smiling faces that shone with the sparkle of life. Their hearts filled with dreams, desires and destinations; just like you and me.
I understand that life is not “fair,” even if I’m unsure what truthfully defines fairness. A word often enveloped in what I want, as opposed to what God may want for me. What I do know is that this life is temporary. Permeance is not an attribute of the material world, and we are creatures formed from the soiled substance of this world.
We are also beautifully blessed and cherished children who have been given the gift of life because He loved us first. Because He still loves us. Because He will always love us.
There is one other young life that left this earthly realm early and endures within my hurting heart. A seventeen-year-old teenager named Suzanne. A young woman from Virginia who tragically died in an automobile accident in January 1967. A young woman who had recently given birth to her unexpected child. A young woman who would give the Young family their first child. A young woman who I will always love because I am the child of that young woman.
Like my deceased friends whose dreams danced within them, Suzanne had dreams as well. Like finishing high school and continuing on with her life. Like mourning the recent loss of her mother in the fall of 1966; a month after I was born. Though her terrestrial dreams were disturbed by death’s sting, the grave has no victory.
I have come to know and believe that the Love who saved the world, also dwells within my heart. God’s sacrifice of salvation for my shortcomings and my selfishness; our shortcomings and our selfishness. Blessing all people with His one and only Son because God so loves the world and all His children and all His creatures.
I miss my friends who have left me. I miss those who raised me. I miss the people who made me a better human. I miss my beloved cat. I miss not having the opportunity to meet and thank my birth mother for choosing life; even if life is both bitter and sweet.
Peace. God loves you.
If you want to learn more about my spiritual awakening, you can read or listen to Finding God in Vegas: A Gen X Spiritual Awakening; available on Amazon and all platforms in print, electronic or audio.