Say My Name: Reflections on Fear, Death and Love
It has been said, “A person dies twice: once when they take their final breath, and later, the last time their name is spoken.” This quote has been attributed to everyone from Banksy to Hemingway to someone only known as anonymity. The latter being an ironic example of irony that lends integrity to this insight.
As I close in on my fifty-ninth birthday and potentially add another decade to my time here on earth, I think about not only death, but also about my life’s meaning. Topics that I rarely considered in my twenties or thirties. Topics that I randomly considered in my forties. Topics that I regularly consider in my fifties. Topics that hit my heart with a heaviness as I watch those who have loved me and who I have loved leave me.
Sadly, we live in a culture that avoids discussing death even as it sells the fear of death in headlines, on social media and through marketing. Buy this or you’ll die. Do this or you’ll die. Don’t do this or you’ll die. Death is weaponized as the ultimate fear factor.
What makes this macabre message even more morbid is that we live in a culture of death. Our government and tax dollars cause deadly suffering around the world. Our media and institutions are complacent in this death spiral because they benefit financially. Our banks and businesses are profiting from the deceased.
Fear, like false pride and flagrant desire, is one of evil’s original trio of tricks that seek to separate us from God. Tools that other humans have employed to terrorize other humans; still today and surely tomorrow as well.
For too much of my life, I lived in fear of death, both physical and perceived. As a young man, I lived in fear of losing everyone I loved in this world because of who God created. Not trusting in God’s love.
As a middle-aged man, I lived in fear of losing my status in this world because of what I wanted, as opposed to what God wanted. Not trusting in God’s love.
As a mature-aged man, I lived in fear of death in this world, because I didn’t believe in God. Not trusting in God’s love.
As someone washed in the blood of the lamb, I no longer live in fear even as I walk through the valley of shadows. Death has no power because I believe in the Father almighty. I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord. I believe in the Holy Spirit. Trusting while occasionally stumbling in God’s love.
Because I believe in God’s love, my death is this world is not the end of my story. Nor does my story depend on status, stuff, or the spoken words of the living. My story, like my life, lives because of God’s love for me. The same love that God offers all people in all places. The same love God offers you.
My humbled heart embraces God’s love for me, and he knows my name. My repentant heart aspiring to love both God and neighbor, to know His name. Because God created all humans, God’s love is available to everyone, but it’s always our choice; love is never coercion.
No longer living in fear has freed me to love. To explore and understand and create love is life’s greatest gift. To try and live a life of meaning, as opposed to pursuing the meaningless of life like fame, fortune and my own fanciful follies.
The opening quote no longer haunts me because my life isn’t about what this world falsely promises. Physical death and fear happen in this world, but eternal life and everlasting love is found by seeking first the kingdom of God and his righteousness. In Love life lives because there is no death. In God nothing is lost, including our name.
Peace. God loves you.