The Myth of Love: More Misguided Counsel From a Confused Culture

Like other mixed messages from our culture, we get schizophrenic signs as it relates to love, specifically romantic love. On one hand we’re told to chart our own course and be our own person even if we have to go it alone. Don’t let anyone or even society stop you from pursuing your dreams or being all that you can be (whatever that means).

In the same breath, we’re told to find prince or princess charming. That one person who will complete us and love us unconditionally. Another human who will give us happiness ever after (whatever that means).

Both messages contain seeds of truth, but neither provide life nourishing Truth. What they share is a mantra of selfishness. Both are all about me. Like an arrogant aria, its mi, mi, mi.   

First, no one is an island unto themselves. The lone rider or the lonely adventurer are preposterous myths of American individualism. False fables that will lead you down the familiar and time worn paths of either narcissism or exhaustion.

You might think, like I once did, that you’re a rock or an island. Maybe you, like I once did, hide your heart from the world and even God. Maybe you, like I once did, realize the incredible weight and inconceivable worry of individual isolationism.

We’re all born into a world that has benefited from our ancestors hard earned knowledge, learnings and experiences. Treasures waiting to be explored but only if you realize their value and ensure we protect them for future generations to discover. Gifts that we’ve inherited, but haven’t earned.

I guarantee you that every story of individual inspiration found motivation and meaning by hearing the life stories of both the living and the dead. I also guarantee you that every story of individual inspiration is influenced by other individual inspirations that they immersed themselves in.

We are never alone because we were created to be relational creatures, starting with God. A God who choose to create humans, not more stones. Humans who are more like sponges as opposed to stones.   

Second, no person is responsible for your happiness. The life fulfilling partner searching for their lonely lover are preposterous myths of Disneyesque romanticism. False fables that will lead you down the familiar and time worn paths of either narcissism or exhaustion.

You might think, like I once did, that another person is responsible for your happiness. Maybe you, like I once did, believe this one person will bring your heart happiness. Maybe you, like I once did, realize the immense strain and immoral self-importance of treating other people as a means for our own happiness.

Happiness is another cultural myth because its subjective, temporary and all about you.  It hijacks our lives by thinking that the good life is only about our happiness. This quest for bliss often morphs into a life of only pursuing pleasure, preventing pain and  projecting apathy towards everyone and everything else.

I guarantee you that every story of individual inspiration found meaning in suffering and grew because of their pain. Hero journeys full of wisdom from both the living and the deceased. I also guarantee you that every individual who searched for happiness, realized that what they were really searching for was peace not happiness.

Finding peace is how we tackle the terrible times and learn to grasp the glad times. Life’s storms that we learn to weather because we know we’re never alone. God and all the love that surrounds us is always with us because genuine love requires relationality and autonomy. Otherwise, its possession and obligation.

Humble and repentant, I’m unlearning everything I once believed about love and happiness. I’m learning to trust in God and His message of love; not mine and not the worlds. I’m learning that we are all connected in this realm and in what follows. I’m unlearning the worlds ways because I have found peace through the eternal love that only God is capable of giving to us his children.      

Peace. God loves you.