It’s been almost six months to the day since my book, Finding God in Vegas: A Gen X Spiritual Awakening, was published. My testament to my old and new life recounted as I laid bare my heart and soul to friends and visitors. An excruciating expose exposing every false belief I had about myself, my culture and my faith.
My days of writing and editing, weeping and elation, meant I would no longer continue my past career in pharmaceutical marketing. Unable to reconcile my past profession with my present-day faith to do no harm. Love not money would become my life’s new motive.
A journey that began in the summer of 2022, as I tried to make sense of my anxious and unhappy life at fifty-five. A story that shined on the surface of success but was a materialistic mirage. An appropriate allegory for the desert and city I now find myself calling home.
The Mojave desert interrogating every idea and individual with the scorching intensity of a Hades heat while a soulless sun shimmers and shines. Existing at the edge of civilization; where only truth and nature survive.
Las Vegas rising from this searing sandscape where no city should exist. A marriage of ingenuity and irrationality, built on hubris, hope and hype. The siren call of worldly success snakes through the Strip and society to tempt any wide-eyed sightseers or weary souls to put their faith in something other than love. God is love.
Like the shifty characters that sift through Sin City, I’ve meet my share of Barnum’s and hucksters as I promote my book. My memoir one of approximately 250,000 to 320,000 new titles that are published monthly on Amazon.* Every book marketer promising new revenue, name recognition and novel readers. Every one of the eight publicists to date delivering nil or a little something, but nothing meaningful.
My memoir is just another printed drop in an ocean drowning in books. A wave of words pounding against a seashore of visuals. The world in cognitive decline. Humans no longer rage against the machine, instead we’re relinquishing our reasoning to AI, acrimonious algorithms and the authoritarian authorities behind its ascent.
Any book exploring the human experience unable to compete with videos that are deliberately designed to “hook” you within the first THREE seconds. Any written word unable to compete with online acronyms that strip language of its meaning and magnificence. Any idea that examines the human experience becomes exhausting in a world where meme’s require minimal thought, even if they yield only marginal treasure.
Like every Vegas gambler, I knew the odds of literary “success” were never in my favor. But after my spiritual awakening, I became a man filled with hope because my hope was in God as opposed to myself and the approval of men. All things are possible through God, even the impossible in this life.
My double dozen book sales remind me, Soli Deo gloria; glory to God alone. That my story, like my life, reflects God’s love for all people and all creatures. That it never profits a man to gain the whole world, and lose his own soul. That my past no longer defines my future.
When people asked me what I was going to do once I was done with my memoir, my response was always, “God will lead me to what’s next.” Until that time, my primary task was to finish the book I started. To share my good news of the Good News with the world.
I’m certain my faith is being tested again in this surreal neon wilderness. Struggling with my faith because I’m unsure of my purpose post-publication. Praying that God will lead me to the what’s next in my life, and maybe He has.
Maybe the “next” in my life is already happening. I wouldn’t be the first human to miss God’s love in action. Maybe faith is always a struggle. I know all humans are soiled with the sin of self-delusion. Maybe it’s remembering that God is good, and I depend on God for everything including my life and my words. Maybe writing is my ministry even if my words are virtual and veiled in this world.
Peace. God loves you.
If you want to learn more about how my spiritual awakening, you can read about it in Finding God in Vegas: A Gen X Spiritual Awakening; available on Amazon and across all platforms in print or electronic or audio.
*2024