Why Can’t God Just Tell Us What To Do? Well, At Least Me

I find myself professionally lost at fifty-eight. My decades long career in pharmaceutical marketing at odds with my spiritual awakening. A choice of consciousness that’s not about a judgement of other people, but my own participation in a failed and flawed system.

While some people are sailing towards retirement, I’m searching for another job. Needing to earn my daily bread before the cupboard runs bare. Believing my blessed sabbatical of writing and reflection is coming to an end. My memoir complete; literary representation incomplete. A book without a publisher, at least for now.  

Like millions of other faith filled people, I just want God to tell me what to do. I’d also be good with knowing my future. Equating divine Love as a cosmic fortune teller even if God has already shared with all of us our future.

Because I feel lost in the woods, there’s no way for me to see the forest. My day-to-day filled with a low-level anxious hum about my journey ahead. Mindful to listen for any falling tree, proverbial or physical.

Sondheim lyrics reminding me that no one is alone, even in the woods. God’s love for us as clear as a blue summer sky. I just need to remember to look up, around and within.

I also know that other people both near and far from my age are struggling to secure their daily bread. Millions of people worldwide worrying about sustenance to support themselves and their families. While I know that my worrying will not change anything, I still do it. We all do it. Even the Dutch in old Amsterdam do it.

While I feel lost, I know everyone feels lost at some point in their lives. I know I’m not alone and you’re not alone; ever. I know God will never abandon me and God will never abandon you; ever. God is Love and nothing, I mean nothing, will separate you or me from the Love that is God; ever.

Love is eternal. Love is enduring. Love is God’s gracious gift offered to everyone.

Even if God doesn’t speak to us explicitly, I’ve come to realize that God sends signs of reassurance. Reminders that we are not alone. Remembrances of hope. 

Like a past college friend from thirty years ago reaching out and reminding me of the difference I made in her life and the inspiration I’m creating now with my writing. Like past colleagues from twenty years ago reaching out and telling me that my writing has helped them as they struggle with what’s next in their lives. Like family, friends and so many people from my past and my now who have helped me and supported me as I share my spiritual awakening story.

Unlike Ace of Base, I didn’t see the sign. A current cue from the Universe. My don’t blink or you’ll miss it foray into the world of selling health and life insurance. A job opportunity that promised me a six-figure income, a book of pre-qualified clients and no cold calling.  

Chasing the money, I spent time and money earning my Producers license. Money I might as well have used to buy a bridge in Brooklyn. God reminding me that I had ignored what I learned from my spiritual awakening. Pursuing stuff not my soul’s passion.

This sign leading me right back to the beginning of this story, me looking for a job. Feeling anxious and uncertain once again. Trying understand the signs that God provides all of us if we listen with a humble heart.

Maybe my future isn’t about a six-figure income. Maybe my future won’t allow me to afford a four-bedroom house with a swimming pool. Maybe my future is about truly understanding that it’s never about money, but all about a mission to create more love in the world.

What I do know with certainty, is that God is with me. God will never me abandon me. God will provide for me and all of us.

Sign, sign, everywhere a sign. Thank you Lord. I’m alive and doing fine.